Living Life With No Regrets

Been months since I said I was moving on and that I am getting better but guess what? That doesn't seem to be the case. Every little thing comes back everytime I'm reminded of the thing that hurts me the most. I get too emotional at times, I get out of the mood and just not talk to anyone. You see, I am not someone who knows how to hide her emotions well and so you'll easily know my mood through my facial expressions. I thought, through time, things would change, but it seems like emotions are staying too long in my system that it's become too heavy to drag myself and move on. Seeing the thing/s that causes you pain almost everytime doesn't help. It's making it worse but you can't even do anything but to stand there and watch it all kill you for the nth time, feel your heart break into pieces all over again and pretend that you're okay with it and that it doesn't even bother you at all. And it pisses me off how people are too insensitive and incons...

Often times, I ask myself, "Am I happy with my life?" or "Am I content with everything  I have right now?" and the answers don't come easily.  At times, I would be happy, but then this happiness don't really last. One day I'll be content with what I have, the other day, I won't be. It seems like a big part is missing in my life and even if I don't want to admit it, I know the answer would always be the same. I've never been this empty. It seems like I've been hiding behind a mask every single day, faking all my smiles, my laughs, even my emotions just to get through the day and let people see that I am okay. Sometimes,  I feel like it's something that I must do, something that I needed to do for myself. I've been too open to the world that I felt like my life has been an open book to everyone leaving nothing for myself. I've been on a total emotional wreck for the past months and it seems like it's not ending so soon. I ...

Dreams. I love dreams. It gives you the feeling of happiness, excitement and all emotions there is that you also experience in reality. I love how you can change things as quickly as you can, how you can be whatever you want to be with no limitations. It's amazing that it gives you the feeling of achievement, of being happy because, finally, you were able to experience what it feels like to finally get what you want, in just a snap of a finger. It gives you everything you want, the things you think you deserve, the things that you wish from the bottom of your heart. It's such a great thing dreams exists. I hate dreams. It gives you the feeling of disappointment, fear, sadness and all emotions there is in reality. I hate how you can change things in your dreams but not in real life. It's disappointing, that the things you wanted to happen will only happen in your dreams, never in reality. I hate that the things you deserve is only given in your dreams. I hate the feeling...

I was hanging out with Eunice a few days ago when she told me, "I was asked by grade 7 students, 'How do you know if you're blinded by love?'" Well, it honestly surprised the both of us since these kids are too young to be involved in relationships and that we are not so much knowledgeable about such things, but then, she told me that she was meeting them on friday that week to talk about it and coincidentally, I was also there when they started to gather. We sat down, forming a circle in the building's lobby. We started asking them things like, if they've got 'relationships' and some were, others were just interested to hear things that , they think, could help them in their future relationships.  I remember telling them what we, Eunice and I, did back when we were their age, and to tell you honestly, we were crazy fangirls back then and didn't really care about boys that much (not until we grew a little and became a little more lady-like) t...

I had so many friends whom I thought was "real". I considered a lot of friends the "best" ones,  but the sad part is.. they never really stayed. Just when you thought that everything is doing good and that you're having the best time of your life with them, there will come a time when you'll know who the real ones are and I can say.. I actually got one. YES, ONE. One person who had always been patient with me, that person who always had to put up with me no matter how annoying I was, that person who would tell me things that would actually open my eyes to reality and I hated that, that one person who would always help me put my sht back together when I'm all broken. I hated how reality actually ruins everything I wanted to happen, I hated how reality becomes so real that I had to get hurt, I hated how painful reality is and as far as everyone knows how painful it is, there goes my friend who would still tell me about those chances of facing them with...

Getting tired is one of human's weaknesses. We all get tired, physically, mentally, even emotionally. We get tired of doing the same things, we get tired of thinking about so many things, we get tired of feeling the same things and sometimes the best way to keep ourselves from getting tired is to rest. The easiest way to finally get away from all the stress these weaknesses gives you, the fastest way to find peace in your mind, body and soul. As a human being, I do get tired a lot. Often would I want to just rest when I get home, often would I just want to lie down my bed, close my eyes and forget about everything that happens around me. Sometimes, I'd even want to fall into a deep sleep and just wake up when I feel like it. Unfortunately, I'll have to wake up everytime because there are things that I needed to do, to finish. It's way so sad when people actually get tired, especially when they're getting tired of loving you, getting tired of feeling something fo...

Lately, I'v had so many realizations about life, about why things happened, and how things turned out this way and I think it is all for the better.  I remember how my mom always say, "God takes away the things that keep you from giving time to Him." and only now did I realize that.When it was so late. I can't blame God for doing so, because I know it was my fault. It really did took all my time from giving Him time that was supposed for Him and actually forgot about Him and focused on the thing that gave me "happiness" and "love." Suffering from the pain, I kept asking Him "Why?" Why does it always have to be me? Why am I the only one suffering, why am I the one always hurting? And all these were consequences of the things I did wrong. Oh, why don't I ever learn?!  Right now, I am trying my best to move forward as the new year approaches. Starting over will never be easily, but I know that I can do it for it is God who gives m...