In my 18 years of existence, I won't deny I had 'boyfriends' and must admit it took me years to get over them. I mean, it's not that east to forget someone you spent special moments with, gave you happiness and gave you that "Kilig" factor. And honestly, I am not good at that. I'm no good in forgetting people. I treasure people A LOT. YES.
I had this guy whom I loved back in highschool. He wasn't the prefect type of guy, but I really do love him. He was like my "first love". How hard would it be to forget the first guy you loved, (aside from your dad and/or your brother of course) they guy you fell real hard for, the guy who gave you so much importance, the guy whom you made future plans with. You can't easily forget someone you shared a lot of things with, though some people can manage to easily forget about the past, still im having a hard time doing it.
Since I was young, I swore to myself that I will only love 1 guy and he would be my first and last. I don't want to have so many EX boyfriends, and so I decided that I would only have 1 boyfriend and he would be the same guy I'm going to marry. How perfect would that be, right? I thought he was the one (as what usually we all think of), but in the end, that bastard left me without even saying a word. Left me hanging just like that, no apology, not even a proper closure. That made the situation worse since I do not know if I should wait for him or what. And moving on is taking too long. That moment when you thought you're already fine, but when you meet again, you still feel the pain deep down. When you see things that reminds you of him, you still wish he'd come back even though it's been years since he had left. It's too hard to move on when you were left hanging.
I tried to focus myself on other stuff. Focused on my studies, bond with friend, and fall in love with someone else. But then I fall in love with people who won't love me back and rejected those who were giving me all their love. Then I had this bestfriend- turned -suitor whom I rejected a lot of times but still wont give up on me. I was afraid, afraid he'd do the same thing, afraid our friendship will be ruined, afraid that one day, we might break up and never restore that good friendship. There was so much fear in me, but still, I tried. I loved him, really. But it wasn't enough for me to hold on to him. He was a nice guy, very warm, very loving. But i was still looking for something else, for someone else. And it made me more confused when my first love started showing up again. Confused if I really have moved on, if I still love my first love or if i even love my boyfriend at that time.It was heartbreaking cause the pain was coming back, fear was eating me, that maybe, just maybe, i'd love my ex back and hurt my current boyfriend. I was afraid. So i decided to break it up. T'was really painful, but it was unfair for him. Giving me all his love, while I give only half of what i can. It was just unfair. He did not even try to stop me, nor hold me back, just silently let me go. I know it was painful, but he took it all in. I thought, if he really loved me he would, always, and when Im ready, he'd be there waiting. Few months after, i felt like i was living with regrets. Hoping to bring back everything, I wanted to talk to him and ask for him to come back, but there was too much fear in me again. Fear that he would reject me, fear that he won't take me back after rejecting him for so many times, so I decided to just wait, until he finds a new girl that would make him happy. And he did.
I don't know. I felt happy and sad at the same time. Thinking that all I ever wanted was for him to find his happiness, but also I wished that his happiness was with me. But it wasn't anymore. In the end, I just accepted everything, shattered hopes and dreams. Everything's destroyed, I thought it was the end. Moving on from 2 important guys isn't easy at all, but if I won't take a step forward, I won't be able to move.
I took a step, little by little, time after time, and those steps led me to where I am now. I've become stronger and now have more courage to go through life. It made me a better person and a better girlfriend to my loving, caring, super kind and "forever- proud- of- me" boyfriend. Though the relationship isn't always on cloud nine, but were taking things lightly, enjoying each other's company and taking it step by step 'till we get to the highlight. Hoping and Praying that this would be forever.
One thing: To fall in love is never easy. You'll get bruise and wounds along the way, but they won't remain there forever. Time will heal all of them. Though scars may remain, and may remind you of the pain, but this will only prove that you were able to get up and continue. Take things slowly, step by step, you have move forward and you'll get to the place you've always wanted to be. Forgive, Accept, but never forget for this things are your life's lessons. They've taught you a lot, be thankful for them. Because of that, you are you. :)
I had this guy whom I loved back in highschool. He wasn't the prefect type of guy, but I really do love him. He was like my "first love". How hard would it be to forget the first guy you loved, (aside from your dad and/or your brother of course) they guy you fell real hard for, the guy who gave you so much importance, the guy whom you made future plans with. You can't easily forget someone you shared a lot of things with, though some people can manage to easily forget about the past, still im having a hard time doing it.
Since I was young, I swore to myself that I will only love 1 guy and he would be my first and last. I don't want to have so many EX boyfriends, and so I decided that I would only have 1 boyfriend and he would be the same guy I'm going to marry. How perfect would that be, right? I thought he was the one (as what usually we all think of), but in the end, that bastard left me without even saying a word. Left me hanging just like that, no apology, not even a proper closure. That made the situation worse since I do not know if I should wait for him or what. And moving on is taking too long. That moment when you thought you're already fine, but when you meet again, you still feel the pain deep down. When you see things that reminds you of him, you still wish he'd come back even though it's been years since he had left. It's too hard to move on when you were left hanging.
I tried to focus myself on other stuff. Focused on my studies, bond with friend, and fall in love with someone else. But then I fall in love with people who won't love me back and rejected those who were giving me all their love. Then I had this bestfriend- turned -suitor whom I rejected a lot of times but still wont give up on me. I was afraid, afraid he'd do the same thing, afraid our friendship will be ruined, afraid that one day, we might break up and never restore that good friendship. There was so much fear in me, but still, I tried. I loved him, really. But it wasn't enough for me to hold on to him. He was a nice guy, very warm, very loving. But i was still looking for something else, for someone else. And it made me more confused when my first love started showing up again. Confused if I really have moved on, if I still love my first love or if i even love my boyfriend at that time.It was heartbreaking cause the pain was coming back, fear was eating me, that maybe, just maybe, i'd love my ex back and hurt my current boyfriend. I was afraid. So i decided to break it up. T'was really painful, but it was unfair for him. Giving me all his love, while I give only half of what i can. It was just unfair. He did not even try to stop me, nor hold me back, just silently let me go. I know it was painful, but he took it all in. I thought, if he really loved me he would, always, and when Im ready, he'd be there waiting. Few months after, i felt like i was living with regrets. Hoping to bring back everything, I wanted to talk to him and ask for him to come back, but there was too much fear in me again. Fear that he would reject me, fear that he won't take me back after rejecting him for so many times, so I decided to just wait, until he finds a new girl that would make him happy. And he did.
I don't know. I felt happy and sad at the same time. Thinking that all I ever wanted was for him to find his happiness, but also I wished that his happiness was with me. But it wasn't anymore. In the end, I just accepted everything, shattered hopes and dreams. Everything's destroyed, I thought it was the end. Moving on from 2 important guys isn't easy at all, but if I won't take a step forward, I won't be able to move.
I took a step, little by little, time after time, and those steps led me to where I am now. I've become stronger and now have more courage to go through life. It made me a better person and a better girlfriend to my loving, caring, super kind and "forever- proud- of- me" boyfriend. Though the relationship isn't always on cloud nine, but were taking things lightly, enjoying each other's company and taking it step by step 'till we get to the highlight. Hoping and Praying that this would be forever.
One thing: To fall in love is never easy. You'll get bruise and wounds along the way, but they won't remain there forever. Time will heal all of them. Though scars may remain, and may remind you of the pain, but this will only prove that you were able to get up and continue. Take things slowly, step by step, you have move forward and you'll get to the place you've always wanted to be. Forgive, Accept, but never forget for this things are your life's lessons. They've taught you a lot, be thankful for them. Because of that, you are you. :)
Comments
Post a Comment