Been too much depressed for almost 2 weeks now and I seriously don't know what to do anymore. I wanted to let go of all the feelings I have and just.. die. But I can't, of course. Cause I do not know how to kill myself and I know it's so illogical to do. So, I decided to just write and write and write until every little pain in me gets out.
Because of depression, I seriously have no appetite for the past weeks and a lot of people are saying that I've become more thin (omg. what have i done to myself.) But I really don't feel like eating the right kinds of food and just want to eat sweets, sweets and sweets. Lately, I've been really out of mind. I tried to jump out of the window, go to the streets and cross even when the light is red, so much wanting to be in an accident, thinking that I'd rather feel physical pain than emotional pain. There was even a time when I was crossing the street going to school when a car almost hit me and.. I felt no fear of actually getting hit. Crazy? But, seriously speaking, I really did not have the fear of being in an accident, of dying. I felt like everything has no more meaning now, everything is useless, so why not just die at that moment, right? But no. I think God is really trying to protect me ALWAYS.
I can't say Im fine right now, nor can't I say that I have no plans of killing myself, but I know I can't do that. haha! Right now, I just know, that I have no reasons to fear death anymore. I don't know. I don't understand myself either. Everything's mixed up and I just can't be tough on my decisions.
But, I think I must stay patient. I don't know. I hate waiting. I love to do things my way, and now God's given me a lesson, so I shall patiently wait. Wait for my wounds to heal, wait for the right time. Yes, maybe I shall even wait 'till the time comes that I die.
anymore words? i don't know. I just.. write whatever my brain cells tell me to write.
Because of depression, I seriously have no appetite for the past weeks and a lot of people are saying that I've become more thin (omg. what have i done to myself.) But I really don't feel like eating the right kinds of food and just want to eat sweets, sweets and sweets. Lately, I've been really out of mind. I tried to jump out of the window, go to the streets and cross even when the light is red, so much wanting to be in an accident, thinking that I'd rather feel physical pain than emotional pain. There was even a time when I was crossing the street going to school when a car almost hit me and.. I felt no fear of actually getting hit. Crazy? But, seriously speaking, I really did not have the fear of being in an accident, of dying. I felt like everything has no more meaning now, everything is useless, so why not just die at that moment, right? But no. I think God is really trying to protect me ALWAYS.
I can't say Im fine right now, nor can't I say that I have no plans of killing myself, but I know I can't do that. haha! Right now, I just know, that I have no reasons to fear death anymore. I don't know. I don't understand myself either. Everything's mixed up and I just can't be tough on my decisions.
But, I think I must stay patient. I don't know. I hate waiting. I love to do things my way, and now God's given me a lesson, so I shall patiently wait. Wait for my wounds to heal, wait for the right time. Yes, maybe I shall even wait 'till the time comes that I die.
anymore words? i don't know. I just.. write whatever my brain cells tell me to write.
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