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Showing posts from November, 2014

Dead

Been too much depressed for almost 2 weeks now and I seriously don't know what to do anymore. I wanted to let go of all the feelings I have and just.. die. But I can't, of course. Cause I do not know how to kill myself and I know it's so illogical to do. So, I decided to just write and write and write until every little pain in me gets out. Because of depression, I seriously have no appetite for the past weeks and a lot of people are saying that I've become more thin (omg. what have i done to myself.) But I really don't feel like eating the right kinds of food and just want to eat sweets, sweets and sweets. Lately, I've been really out of mind. I tried to jump out of the window, go to the streets and cross even when the light is red, so much wanting to be in an accident, thinking that I'd rather feel physical pain than emotional pain. There was even a time when I was crossing the street going to school when a car almost hit me and.. I felt no fear of actua

Choice

Today, I was on my way, walking, to my bestfriend's house when I passed by this man with 2 kids. They have no home, and I was sure cause they were staying in a cart. It was raining so they were staying near the train station where there was enough shade for them. As I blogged the last time, I am currently in the stated of depression (or not anymore. Idrk), so basically, I don't care about anything else but myself and how I can actually move on and get all these sh*t together. I was carrying a big bag since I was from school, with food loaded in it. I saw them and passed by them. But then there was something that spoke to me to give one of the food inside my bag (my bag was filled with marshmallows since I was supposed to give it to my bestfriend's daughter). I actually hesitated but I can't help it, knowing that there was something pushing me to do it, so I stopped walking, opened my bag and got a pack of marshmallow, walked back and gave it to the eldest kid. I can s

Right now.

I really have no idea if I should blog about what is happening to me right now. Well, basically, facebook and twitter friends know what is actually happening, but ofcourse, there is still  part of me that wants to share this to people around the world. (okay, i know im not a very famous blogger but, just give this to me) We all want a relationship that would last long. Longer than anyone thought of, longer than what we actually thought of and if FOREVER was true, then we'd want our relationship to reach forever. But why is it that when we thought FOREVER is coming to us, everything ends, everything goes wrong? Why does your hopes and dreams need to shatter with a blink of an eye? It's just too painful to see things end. Right now, I am indeed broken hearted (lol) but it doesn't mean I will be forever. There is pain in me right now that no one else can take away except for that person who broke it. I know, it's not impossible to bring him back, but we'll never kn

Time Vs. Trust Vs. Promises

Is there really a difference? These three has always played a big part in my life. And I think in everybody's life. We all need time, we all need trust and we all hope that promises be made. But how can we have trust when time is not given and promises are broken? TIME. We all need time, we all need to give time. If we don't need time, then we don't have to know what time is it, we don't have to rush the things that must be done, we don't have to do what we actually have to do, because there is no limit for us to do the certain task. And yes, we all need to give time, give time to finish the works that should be done, to give time for almost everything we do, and most specially give time to the people that are important to us. Giving time is just like giving a portion of your life that you can never get back. Which means, you give time because that person is important to you. So why do we always say "you're important to me" when we don't give